My question was in the last line of my post - and yes I think it's been answered thanks.
I agree that querying partner's play or bidding is not a very nice thing to do, but honestly I'd never get very far in bridge if I didn't do so occasionally. Sometimes I'm right - sometimes I'm wrong: I accept that. I get queries from partner myself - not very often. Not a problem.
But I don't want to be lectured on how to handle partners (all my partners are casual).
Incidentally,
complete silence from my partner when I know perfectly well I've screwed up, is also off-putting. But I can't help that.
Quote
The verbatim conversation is not given.
As far as I can recall, I said something like
"Sorry partner, bidding diamonds three times?" to which the reply was something like
"what do you mean by that?" I did not get a chance to elaborate, even if I'd wanted to, because partner left the table.