Like Doggy just saw this thread too
Just thought i would give people the opportunity to understand me better
Name: Alex aka Slothy aka "Geez, not him again"
Age: 38 (rising arithmetically by 1 every 365.25 days
)
Sex: As often as possible, preferably with same person who is knowingly not blood-related.
Gender: Male (Proud owner of an aerodynamic, stream-lined X chromosome and a stumpy Y one).
Sexual Orientation: North. Grandpa always told me to have the needle pointing in the right direction. Physically, monogamous; psychologically, sluttishly promiscuous. Closet heterosexual.
Ethnicity: Awaiting paternal DNA test. A suspicion, according to family legend, of a few rogue genes from Scandanavia.
Nationality: English/American (have US passport, born in Cleveland Ohio, although never lived there). Lived my formative years in Malta. Explains my instinctive automatic gesture to stand up and place my hand on my chest when either anthem is played, and moving my mouth pretending that i know the words.
Religion: Roman Catholic by denomination (ie living in Malta). In fact wanted to be a priest, but absolved myself from that career pursuit when I become old enough to appreciate that I could not take the anatomical responses of sitting next to a person of the opposite sex, potentially, to their natural conclusions.
Children: None, although there are many beautiful, charming children out there who look uncannily like me. (243 paternity suits pending)
Phone Num: Give me a call and i will tell you.
A dress: Never worn one, although fellow members of my Transvestite Anonymous Group thought it was time I should.
Marital Status: Married/Divorced (in that order, funnily enough). Currently not co-habiting, but involved, allowing me the luxury to sleep sideways on my bed if i wish and not being stealthfully pushed off the edge.
Disorders: Bedroom, kitchen and living-room. (in fact I have adopted chaos theory to my domestic management. I have reached a state of equilibrium where I know that I have something, just dont know its precise geographical location in the house); closing my eyes when walking in a sand-storm; not knowing when to stop when writing posts.
Phobias: Cannibalistic Papua New Guinean tribesmen who come knocking at the door asking if they can come in for dinner; women waking me up early Sunday morning with a smile on their face and an air of expectation; spiders in the bath who havent got the decency to clean it whilst they are in it.
Favourite Bridge Moment(s): Winning the National Newcomers Pairs after playing bridge for 2 years, and coming placed in National Pairs 2 years later: Playing for Yorkshire. Making 3NT on a criss-cross squeeze against the late Boris Shapiro and him patting me on the back and telling me "well done, son".
Horriblest bridge moment: Going 3 off in 4D X against the late Boris Shapiro on the next board and him looking at me in a way which suggested that he wished he never touched me on the previous board.
Most embarrassing bridge moment: Playing opposite a female ex-partner after her buttons on her blouse had come undone.
Most Happiest bridge moment: Waiting until the end of the round to tell her.
Favourite Bridge Book: The Expert Game By Terence Reese.
Most difficult bridge book I have read: Losing Trick Count by Ron Klinger (Chinese Braille edition).
Bridge Book i would have most liked to read:2004 European Championships Qualifier Hand Records (2003 Edition)
Favourite Bridge Saying: "And which half of your singleton do you wish to play first, opp?"
Favourite Bridge Partner: Aisha. Love you babe.
Bridge Couple would most like to meet: Fred Gitelman & Sheri Winestock.
Favourite Proverb: "If you run after 2 hares you will catch neither".
Favourite Meal: Whole Hare casserole followed by Whole Hare Rib Rack With Asparagus and Pimento Sauce with a side serving of broccoli.
Diet: Omnivorous by nature, carnivorous by moon-cycle.
Pet Hates: Women with more facial hair and bigger biceps than myself; communal towels when attending Leprosy Convention; people who repeatedly pick imaginary pieces of fluff off their jumpers; women who insist that I put the toilet-seat down at their house and then dont leave it up at mine; people who feverishly scurry to lock their car-doors as I cross the road.
Qualifications: Bsc Zoology (aborted after 3 years when I discovered that a had an aversion for animals, especially domesticated ones -> travelled around Europe for 2 years. Best education I ever had), Bsc Computer Science. Outstanding distinction in Telepathy Exams. (i saw the questions in my head 2 weeks before the exam)
Shoe Size: Depends who asks.
Favourite Young Person: Nephew, Fabien (4), for saying that i am his favourite uncle.
Most Unfavourite Young Person: Niece, Natasha (8), for reminding her cousin, Fabien, i am his only uncle.
Most Favourite Adult: Aisha.
Favourite Novel: The Periodic Table by Primo Levi (highly recommendable. Most ingenious allegory ever written, better than Dantes Divine Comedy and Swifts Gullivers Travels put together)
Book Currently Reading: Guns, Germs And Steel by J. Diamond (Will alter your perception of modern civilization and why the world is how it is)
Favourite Author: Gabriel Garcia Marquez (Alberto Moravia close second).
Most overrated author: Sigmund Freud - he has made me perceive my mother with undeserved suspicion.
Most disillusioned Person: Steve aka 2over1 for having misconceived notion that Sloths suffer from body odour or really care if they do
Book Least Likely To Read: The Kama Sutra For Celibates (Left-handed edition)
Pet: An orphaned hammerhead shark, christened Jaws E. Lin.
Most extravagant purchase: Goldfish bowl for my pet.
Most dangerous moment: Having to give my pet a dental-floss after a toffee-apple got wedged in his molars.
Most uneventful moment: Taking my pet for a walk in the local park.
Most apprehensive moment: Secretly phoning my then fiancée 2 hours before our wedding telling her I wanted to have 3 children with her.
Most regretful moment: Looking at my mobile after and realising I had phoned my mother-in-law by mistake.
Most xciting moment: Spontaneously making love in a lift one night after going out celebrating.
Most Embarrassing Moment: The dwarf standing in the badly-lit opposite corner of the lift asking us what floor we were going to get out at.
Most Character-Forming Life Event: Having, 2 hours after being born, the sign "Dont Touch, Ugly Baby" tattooed on my forehead.
Hobbies: Language, bridge, mathematical puzzles, reading, crosswords, creating learning software, writing poetry and prose, travelling.
What profession I would like to have: Surgeon. Would perform radical, retinal surgery on men such that no woman looks more beautiful to him than his wife.
What I would change about the world: That people would see beyond skin-colour, social status, culture, language and religion and tolerate even celebrate our differences as these make the world the wonderful place it could and should be. Make people smile as an act of law. Turn humour into a highly infectious virus.
What I fear most: That some miserable moron would synthesise a vaccine for the above.
Person I most admire: Albert Einstein. A man of vision, intelligence, honour and fearlessness with humility.
Best Quotes:
Imagination is more important than knowledge
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Laws alone can not secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population.
The saving grace of humour: if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Thing I Am Most Likely To Say: "Lie on the floor. Put your hands on your head and tell me where the keys for the safe are"
Thing I Am Least Likely To Say: "I agree with you, Claus"
Help
Posted 2004-June-06, 20:33
Posted 2004-June-07, 15:20
